The Complex Relationship Between Boundaries and Women in Leadership

“Everybody really likes you when you do everything everyone asks and tells you to do. Nobody likes you when you have boundaries.”

I heard this in a recent interview with Sharon Stone.

It really got me thinking about women and boundaries at work, and why we have greater expectations for women to do emotional labor, even at work.

Then a COO and I had a conversation about it, and she confirmed a lot of what I’ve seen and heard.

The relationship between leadership and boundaries is much more complex for women.

How do we know this?

We see it borne out in how people evaluate women leaders. Here I’m drawing a connection between boundaries at work and expectations for women to be more ‘nurturing’ at work.

The requirement to be more ‘nurturing’ means setting boundaries, especially around emotional labor, can be seen as negative.

➡ A 2021 study published in the Harvard Business Review indicated that both men and women are subject to gendered expectations in leadership roles. Women are more likely to be expected to display communal behaviors like nurturing, while men are expected to be more agentic, displaying assertiveness and confidence. Women who do not conform to these nurturing expectations can face negative evaluations.

➡ And, according to a 2021 McKinsey & LeanIn report, 50% of women leaders reported being frequently or always expected to provide emotional support to employees, compared to only 29% of men in similar roles. This expectation often comes on top of their regular job responsibilities, adding to the challenges women face in leadership roles.

I am definitely guilty of this – expecting women bosses to be nurturing and supportive, but being pleasantly surprised when male bosses show any emotional support.

I don’t have an answer here or a list of ‘how to set boundaries at work’ but I think that if we want women to continue to gain ground in leadership (at only 6% of the S&P 500 CEOs, currently) we’ve got to address this, societally.

Ideally we all have empathetic leaders – of any gender – and have the same expectations, but we know that’s not the case.

What do you think? Have you had higher expectations for women at work to be caring? Have you put boundaries in place as a leader? How did it go?